R2 Week 1 RECAP

So... Obviously I'm not going to be such a thorough poster this go 'round. I'm just a lot less attached to my computer in general since I moved to Korea and stopped having a desk job.

Anyway.  Diet is going fairly well so far.  Haven't lost as much as I'd hoped for, especially compared to Round 1, but I also started the low-calorie part of my diet on the first day of my period, which was probably pretty stupid.  I'm also actually counting calories this time, and I'm finding it difficult to actually get to 500 calories a day.  Maybe if I was eating the allotted melba toast, tablespoon of milk, and 1 lemon (juice) I would get there, but I've been betwee 300-400 calories all week.  Which is crazy to think about.

I also got a protein shake from HCGTriumph when I ordered my drops, and that stuff has been relatively amazing, mostly because it still allows me to have chocolate (which, after a few days, I realized I could mix with hot water and cinnamon and it is really nothing like hot chocolate but satisfying all the same).   I really wish I'd ordered two jars of it, though, since the international shipping is $70.  Fast, but really fucking expensive.

Anyway. I'm finally back down to close to where I assume I was when I first arrived - somewhere between 65-67kg is my estimate.  I broke 67 on Sunday - yay!  I'm not sure if I've hit my first plateau already or something else.  I guess my goal is to lose at least 2kg a week.  That would end me up in a good place.  If you haven't noticed, I've switched myself to metric measurements.  First, because I live in a metric-based country now, and secondly because I have a lot less ingrained weight judgments about kilograms.  Even though I basically know what the pound equivalent is, I don't have an irrational opinion ingrained in me about what magical kg number I should weigh.  I know the Korean number, of course, but Koreans are frighteningly thin, and since I haven't heard that particular number-range it doesn't affect me nearly as much.

ROUND 1 RECAP - Pre-ROUND 2

.....  um.
Hi.

So.
Before that last week of the diet I included in recap 6 this line:
"And I'm in a good enough head space that I think I can make it for one more week without going crazy."

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Near the end of my last week of grad school / this diet, I made this little chart to diagram my unhappy (opens in a new window).

Long story short: I was CRAZY.  Like, no sleep, no brain, no common sense, and mostly importantly, unable to keep any semblance of this diet working.  Mostly because I had to write 30 pages of dissertation-style text. And words only come out my fingers when food goes out my mouth.  This is what I have discovered.  It is mildly horrifying, that luckily, I hopefully never have to go through again! Yay!

I ate and ate.  132 was my lowest weight, I think, but I was probably back around 140 by the time I finished taking the drops.  Then my parents showed up.  And I ate.  WHY I THOUGHT THIS DIET TIMING WAS SMART, I HAVE NOOOOOO IDEA.

SO, MOVING ON.
Or rather, MOVING OVER SEAS.

I'm in Korea now.
It is awesome.

This is kind of how life has gone thus far (beware the CAPS):

1. I'M AFRAID OF LEAVING MY APARTMENT, I EAT AT 7-11
underlying currents of EATING MY FEELINGS BECAUSE I'M AFRAID OF EVERYTHING STRESS
2. I FOUND A NICE COFFEE SHOP!  YAY!
underlying currents of EATING MY FEELINGS BECAUSE I'M AFRAID OF EVERYTHING STRESS
3. I FOUND A NICE CHICKEN LADY!  YAY!
underlying currents of EATING MY FEELINGS BECAUSE I DON'T SPEAK KOREAN
4. YAY! Food! YAY! Crossfit!
underlying currents of EATING MY FEELINGS BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE FRIENDS
6. WHY THE FUCK IS CROSSFIT SO OBSESSED WITH DOUBLE-UNDERS?!?!
underlying currents of EATING MY FEELINGS BECAUSE I HATE WORK
7. FUCK CROSSFIT.  CHICKEN IN KOREA IS ALL FUCKING AMAZING.
underlying currents of EATING MY FEELINGS BECAUSE ALL MY FRIENDS ARE 20 YEARS OLD
8. HULLLLL I'M ALL LIKE FAT AGAIN
underlying currents of EATING MY FEELINGS BECAUSE HULLLLL I'M ALL LIKE FAT AGAIN

ALL UNDERLINED BY THE FACT THAT 98% OF KOREANS ARE SUPA-SKINNY.
Also, also, I used to think Skinny Legs were skinny.
My ability to delineate between variations of Skinny Legs is now quite high.
On the Leg-Scale in Korea, I came here at "obese" and have moved to "morbidly obese".
Remember all those really great pairs of size 6 jeans I bought before I came?  Yeah, totally can't wear those. Nor can I wear the one pair of 8s that I brought with me.  That was really the breaking point.  No pants.  And no possibility of buying pants, because, like, Korea.


So.  Non-prescription "HCG Triumph" has been ordered, and delivered, and I'm ready for Round 2.
I'm a little afraid of the "non-prescription" aspect of things, but this seems to be a brand with relatively good reviews, and they had a BOGO deal going on, so I got enough for two rounds.

I don't know how long I'm going for this time.  At least 23 days (that's the minimum), but probably around 30.  The goal this time is to stop myself before I fuck up.  I'm a lot less overtly stressed out, and have more imminently present reasons and visual reminders of my goals, so maybe I can make it to 40 days?  I'm going in with this with a plan, but a plan based on my own abilities to succeed rather than a super-strict number.  I'd like to make it to 30.

I'm a little worried about not having enough detox time. BUT I'm also so fucking excited that I kind of think I should just go for loading this weekend, instead of waiting a whole 'nother week where my will power for primal dieting is weak.  I'm afraid I'd just put on more weight.

That means I've got 3 days of faux-detoxing (lots of apple-cider vinegar, lots of water, little-to-nothing processed, nothing fried, drinking veggie juice everyday (I did buy myself a hella-nice juicer a few months ago)). Then Saturday/Sunday will be loading days - probably a lot of Indian food and samgyeopsal (Korean thick-cut unsalted bacon that you fry up on a grill).

My shopping list (and diet for the next 30-40 days):
Cucumbers
Spinach
Lettuce
Kale?
Apples
Oranges
Strawberries
Lemons
Chicken Breast
Lean Beef
Eggs
White Fish
mustard
spices

mineral-based makeup
extension cord for my new oven


I'll post pictures and specs this weekend.  For now though, just wish me luck!

(DAY 2.16-17-18-19)

DAY 2.16 - This day made sense. I think I ate food that day. OH I REMEMBER.  I ate a lot of food, I just didn't swallow any of it - literally I did that gross thing where you chew up food and then spit it into a cup.  I was trying to appease my mouth's desire to have crunchy things to maw on, and I did succeed at that. Went to bed around 3am after staying up super late making hockey jerseys out of garbage bags and duct tape while watching the Mighty Ducks 3 and the latest Game of Thrones episode.

DAY 2.171819 started out as a normal kind of day.

SUPER LONG VERSION: It was a Wednesday morning.  I did my thing - got up at 6:30am after about 3.5 hours of sleep, went to work, visited the coffee stand, did some paperwork. Rode my bike to the chiropractor at 3:00. First time I had ever ridden UP to capital hill from U-District - straight up the main rode that the bus takes.  I was always afraid of that hill before, and it really wasn't that bad!  :D  Yay! After chiro I rode downtown to the Korean consulate and picked up my passport, complete with my brand new shiny VISA!  Yay! Then it was back to U-district for a group meeting to prepare for our final presentation on Wednesday. That went well, too!

THEN, it was time to go to the library. Like, for good. Like, for all night. My degree project prof had emailed me Tuesday informing me that I'd be one of the 6 lucky students who got to present their project (informally) on Thursday during class. This meant that I needed to have my shit figured out by Thursday morning, and have a full draft of my paper ready by then. Luckily, Odegaard undergraduate library is open 24 hours a day most of the week, so I had 16 hours or so to work on my paper before I had to present.

I had taken some drops at about 11:30 (I ran home for lunch), but I was also realizing that I was a bit hungry. Or something? I needed/wanted/felt-like-I-should eat at least something before embarking on this journey - and also I should get coffee. Definitely coffee. Unfortunately, the cafe under the library was closed (I was thinking maybe I could get some chicken breast or sliced turkey meat or something). So I headed down to the coffee shop, which also usually has sandwiches. NOT THIS DAY, though - all the sandwiches were gone. So I opted for the teriyaki place next door, and got chicken katsu with a side salad (no rice), and only ate about 1/3 of the chicken (mostly without the sauce - because at this point, I was still trying to be relatively good). I was pleasantly surprised by how quickly I got filled up - really after 1/4 of the chicken I felt satisfied. Then I went to the cafe and got 4 shots of espresso and hot water for my market spice tea. And a molasses ginger cookie. Because sugar.

Made my way back to the library, called my mom for her birthday like the dutiful daughter I ought to be, visited the vending machines downstairs and bought chocolate for later while still on the phone with Lisa. (Because sugar.)

Camped out at a desk. Did a good 3 hours of fuck-all. Then did a good 3 hours of legit research (all the research I should have been doing during the past 3 weeks). During those 6 hours ate all the chocolate I had bought, and the leftover chicken from earlier. The cafe under the library opens again at 9pm and stays open till 1am, so I went down at 12:30am to get moooooore coffee. So I got another 4 shots, hot water for hot chocolate, and chocolate froyo with sprinkles. Because sugar. And more vending machine chocolate.

Back upstairs for another 1.5 hours of research. Then ACTUALLY WROTE SHIT for a good 5 hours. NOT a complete draft, but at least a full outline - and a good 25 pages. Definitely enough for me to be able to present. Finished all the chocolate. (Because sugar.) And drank lots of magnesium (I had brought it with me and was adding it to water bottles all night). Felt mentally accomplished, although not particularly lively or clear-headed at this point. Definitely relying on will power and sugar to keep me upright at this point.

(DAY 2.18?) Rode my bike back to work, got a breakfast sandwich and hashbrown at cafeteria next to work (because hungry).  Printed the draft, went to the coffee stand and made myself another 4 shots of coffee. Rode back to campus, bought a cookie & chocolate donut at coffee stand under classroom (because sugar), gave my sorry little presentation at 9:00am. I have no idea if I was coherent. I didn't feel very coherent. By that time, I only had a memory span of about 40 seconds. Ate 3 cookies people had brought for celebration (because sugar).

Then ran to the HUB bookstore real quick to buy tape to fix one of the jerseys for the group presentation I was giving at 11:30am. Presentation went super-well. It was a good thing that I didn't have a big part - because memory retention had gone down to 30 seconds or so, and I had started getting distracted by things like "the wall over there". Ate some candy (because sugar) that the professor always brought to that class.

Yeah! Graduate School! Where we study The Mighty Ducks!
Yes, I totally made those jerseys.

Rode home - how I managed to stay awake to ride home I'm not really sure, but I did. And I ate half an apple while doing it - only half because riding up the ave on a bicycle, sans helmet, headphones in, mostly asleep, trying to eat an apple at the same time seemed like an unreasonable amount of risk. Made it home, changed into shorts and a tank top (did I mention it was hella hot out), took some HCG drops and thyroid pills, and literally ran to the nearest car2go so that I could drive it to my posture therapy appointment at 2pm. Got stuck in horrible traffic, and got there around 2:20pm - luckily her next appointment was late, so I still got my full hour appointment, even if I was yawning and responding like a belligerent 4-year-old to everything she said. Drove back home in car2go, and finally dropped into bed at 4:15pm.

After being awake for 33.5 hours on 4 hours of sleep, I passed out for a whole 3.5 hours before getting back up at 7:45pm, taking a shower, taking more HCG drops and thyroid pills, getting fancified, and heading to MY LAST JKPOP EVAAAAR. TT__TT  So you see, it was important that I be there.  I got downtown at 9pm, ran into the Kaladi Brothers to get another 4 shots of espresso, and then was planning on getting a dumpling from this Russian place near my chiro's office - but it was closed. So I went to JKPOP first, then realized I was pretty hungry? (I still don't think "hunger" is quite right - but either my brain or my body very much wanted calories or sugar to keep it going at this point.) So I headed out to get food, only there wasn't anything quick nearby so I ended up at Cupcake Royale, where I got mint ice cream with hot fudge and a cinnamon cookie (because sugar). Then went back to JKPOP and DANCE-DANCE-DANCE-DA-DANCED. Yay JKPOP! When Heidi got there a took a little break and went out to the street corner and bought a hot dog with cream cheese and ketchup and BBQ sauce (because delicious). Also had a red bull around midnight because I was starting to fade again (can't imagine why). Anyway, DJ Hojo (and Bishie) played all my favorite songs (<3 them for doing that), and I finally headed out at 1:30am after dancing for 4 hours.

Hiked up Broadway to drive a car2go home, getting 2 Dick's cheeseburgers and a chocolate shake on the way (because sugar). Got home around 2:15am. Went to bed around 3:30am, because I'm weird and my body isn't functioning correctly at this point (obviously).

(DAY 2.19?) Woke up at 7:00am after about 3.5 hours of sleep (we've now accumulated 7 hours of sleep for the 3 days I've been awake), took some more HCG drops and thyroid pills, and headed off to work. Drank some hot chocolate (because sugar). Printed out some papers - haven't really done much with them. Went to lunch with Jasmin at 12 and ate pho (because food). Came back to office and continued to be useless. Has literally taken me 2 hours to type this post because I still can't concentrate on anything for longer than 30 seconds. Have a chiro-massage at 5:00pm. Am hoping to get that dumpling.

AND THEN? Who the fuck knows. My body is SO SCREWED UP RIGHT NOW.
I'M SORRY BODY.

And I'm sorry body, but I also have a degree project to finish in the next 48 hours, and also an 8-page term paper that I need to bang out by Monday night. My tentative plan is to go to my massage, get my dumpling, go home, and sleep until my body wakes up. Then head back down to the library (since it's still open 24 hours) and stay there until my degree project is finished, which hopefully won't take me until Sunday afternoon.

OH RIGHT, and my landlords are showing my apartment Monday and Tuesday, so at some point before Monday morning I need to clean my apartment somehow. Because it is a fucking pit at this point. Seriously covered in filth.

I am not sure why I ever thought I could do this diet during finals week.  I can't manage to stick to a semi-normal Riley diet on finals week, much less a crazy-fucker of a diet on the worst finals week I've ever had given schedule and commitments. I don't know if I've gained a bunch of weight back or not. I think I'm around 134 again - or at least I was the last time I checked which was... one of the last times I was home? I don't know why I've kept taking the drops really, except that on top of everything else my body is going through at the moment I don't think it's going to make much of a difference one way or another, so like, why the fuck not. Perhaps the biggest take-away I will have from this whole diet is that now I know what my body can look and feel like at 130 lbs, and that is now a real and tangible thing that I want to get back to, and surpass.

ALSO CROSSFIT RE-COMMENCES ON MONDAY. HELLS YES CROSSFIT. IT'S GONNA HURT SO BAD.



TLDR VERSION: Coming soon. Well, not that soon. (Because sleep first.)

(DAY 2.10)

Actually today has been fine, that's just been stuck in my head. I'm missing a lot of my DVDs that I need to collect from people before I leave, and that may be one of them.

Totally forgot to take my drops last night (HATE THAT), so have been spacing them out more evenly today hoping to forestall some kind of... deficiency or something.

Also have discovered a fabulous new way to eat white fish - I reheat it (I pre-cook 90% of my meat) in a bowl, then dump apple cider vinegar on it (like, 1/4-1/3 of a cup?), then mash it up so it looks a little like cat food, then heat it a bit more 'cause the vinegar was cold, then I eat it wish a spoon so that I get ALL THE VINEGAR. White fish has never been more to me than a vehicle for vinegar (and ketchup, once upon a time when I was very young yet and hadn't been introduced to malt vinegar) - and this is a delicious new way to make sure I get every last bit of that fish absolutely saturated.



Captain's Log, stardate 2013.5.29
Wakeup: (6:15am, 7.25 hours of sleep)
- veal (12:30pm)
- tilapia vinegar mash (6:15pm)
Bedtime (1:30am)
Water: 16+32+32oz
Tea: 16x6oz
(green, market spice, barley, apple cinnamon, market spice, peppermint)

(DAY 2.3)

Restart is going well so far :D


Captain's Log, stardate 2013.5.22
Wakeup: (6:30am, 5 hours of sleep)
- chicken (1:00pm)
- cod (8:45pm)
- kale chips (10:15pm)
- baked apple - totally overcooked this (11:00pm)
Bedtime (2:00am)
Water: 32+32oz
Tea: 16+16+16+16+16oz
(green, market spice x3, green)


HEY FACE NARCISSISM CONTINUED - I call it "FACEVOLUTION" :

(DAY 2.2)

Wow that loading day was effective. I'm glad I set myself up in my brain this morning for the possibility of the scale showing me a ridiculously high number, because it definitely did.  But that's okay!  Because it's all coming right back off again :D It makes sense - the reason you have to stick to the low-calorie diet for 2 days even after you stop taking the drops is because you gain weight incredibly quickly if you eat fats while having HCG in your system. I assume it's something about HCG making your long-term fat stores more accessible - and how that street probably runs both ways.

Also, most of the food I consumed on Sunday (and man, that was a lot of food) is still in my system - hence the smooth move tea this morning to help get things moving (apparently it was too much for even the magnesium to handle).

Anyway, I feel good and pretty pumped about this.  Making a new graph / starting fresh helped a lot - now I'm just focusing on the next three weeks instead of comparing them to the time that has gone past.

---

3:00pm - It's amazing how much better one can feel after a successful trip to the bathroom. I think the older I've gotten the more I've learned to appreciate bowel movements in general, but this whole journey has marked a significant increase in that appreciation.

Captain's Log, stardate 2013.5.21
Wakeup: (6:30am, 6 hours of sleep)
- chicken (11:15am)
- cucumber smoothie (6:45pm)
- cod (7:15pm)
- baked apple (8:30pm)
Bedtime (1:30am)
Water: 32+10oz
Tea: 16+16+32+20oz
(smooth move, green, market spice, sleepytime)

(DAY 28) (LOADING?!?)

See my Weekly Recap for explanation of ridiculous Captain's Log entry.  Sigh.

Tomorrow we're starting over again.  Because I! can! do! this! shit! But I need / want a clean slate to start from.

It's 8:00pm, want an update?  HEARTBURN HEARTBURN HEARTBURN.


Captain's Log, stardate 2013.5.19
Wakeup: (10:30am, 9 hours of sleep)
- baked apple (11:30am)
- beef (12:00pm)
- fruit xylitol mints (1:30pm)
- STREET FAIR (2:30-4:30): 
>>> hand-dipped corn dog
>>> beef/cheese piroshky
>>> kettle corn
>>> chocolate & mint ice cream
>>> 1/2 hand-dipped corn dog
>>> cinnamon/sugar cashews & pecans
>>> dark chocolate orange fudge
Bedtime (1:30am)
Water: 32oz
Tea: 16oz
(green)

WEEK 4 RECAP

This is what I have to say on the subject of Week 4:

FUCK YOU, WEEK FOUR.
FUCK-FUCK-FUCK-FUCK YOU.
AND FUCK ME.
FUCK.

After eating my corndog/fair-food today, I will be "restarting" tomorrow.
I actually kind of can't believe I haven't thrown up yet.  I tried, actually - but my gag reflex is not cooperating.

Pretty much nothing went right this week.  I was on my period pretty much all week - I cheated for the first time in earnest on Wednesday, then repeated the exact same mistakes on Thursday.  I tried getting creative with what I was allowed, which really just meant that I was rationalizing weird ways to cheat.

So tomorrow is restart. Day 2.1.  It's like today was a loading day, and this is just my second cycle of HCG - without all the not-quite-cheating (I'm looking at you, stevia-sweetened jello) that had snuck in at the end of week 3.

Just fucking do it, Riley.  You can do this.  Your body can do this.  Stop letting your mouth/emotions do the thinking.

And for god's sake, write your fucking capstone project and stop procrastinating.  It's not helping anyone, least of all yourself.

As of today, after 27 days of ATTEMPTING to eat only 500 calories per day while taking pharmacy-grade sublingual HCG hormone drops, I have lost 15.8 pounds, and 15 inches.

(DAY 25)

1) Star Trek was awesome.  I have only one complaint, but I won't share it for fear of revealing spoilers.
2) I do not regret last night - I had too good a time to regret anything about that evening.

HOWEVER, I am a little pissed / worried today.  I gave in to temptation last night at the theater and ended up with a small popcorn with "buttery topping" - something about the chemicals they put in that shit to make you want it, plus me being a little extra hormonal 'cause I'm on my period, plus a little emotionally exhausted from the fact that I haven't been losing nearly as much as I'd like to be.... it all just came together.  So I ate that popcorn. And that chocolate bar.  They were delicious.

It was my first (and hopefully only) delineation from the 500-calorie protocol.

It's definitely been getting harder.  Holding on to this diet when you're not seeing awesome results on the scale every morning is really difficult, and I can feel myself starting to rationalize all the reasons it would just be better to stop now instead of sticking it out the whole 40+ days.  I don't like it when my graph line gets flat and further and further away from the linear projection.

It did help that yesterday I really did feel great, pretty much all day.  I had a session with my posture therapist who I hadn't seen in 3 weeks - and that felt amazing.  I think adding to all of this is the fact that I haven't been able to work out, and so haven't gotten any of those happy endorphins that I get from exercise. And considering that even with the popcorn and chocolate, I still woke up to a smaller scale on the number, I think I'm going to add some bike riding back into my life.

Just this afternoon I've felt really hungry - it's probably because I didn't take more drops at lunch, but it still makes me unhappy and grumpy.  Hopefully riding home uphill will cure me of the grumpies.

I just drank some market spice tea, that made me feel a wee bit better.


Captain's Log, stardate 2013.516
Wakeup: (6:00am, 4.5 hours of sleep)
- veal (11:00am)
- kale chips (1:00pm)
- apple (2:30pm)
- eggs (7:15pm)
- strawberries (8:15pm)
- poprcorn & chocolate (10:45pm)
Bedtime (2:00am)
Water: 16+32+32oz
Tea: 16+16+16+16+16oz
(runa, barley, barley, green, market spice)

(DAY 19)

Yes.  7 hours of sleep is the sweet spot.
At least for feeling good.

Apparently not for losing weight.

Doctor is having me test my thyroid again.

WHICH IS GOOD, because this whole not-being-able-to-eat-anything really sucks if you're not seeing continuous improvement.  Somebody left a bag of frosted animal crackers in the mail room, those inconsiderate bastards!  What are they trying to do to me.  DX

Yeah.  My mouth reeeeally wants fat of some kind.

I also think maybe I'm not losing weight because I'm way to stressed out.  I have meditation anti-stress things to listen to, and I'm going to pull them out again.


Captain's Log, stardate 2013.510
Wakeup: (6:30am, 7 hours of sleep)
- chicken (11:00am)
- apple (1:30pm)
- hard-boiled egg white (5:30pm)
- cucumber smoothie, beef (8:00pm)
- strawberries (10:30pm)
Bedtime (1:00am)
Water: 80oz
Tea: 72oz

(DAY 18)

Eight hours of sleep made me feel TERRIBLE.  :(
Seven hours makes me feel great, and I thought I'd try to get the full 8 hours for a change, as recommended, and I had SUCH a hard time waking up today. Very late to work. AAND I didn't lose any weight.  :(

Grumpy grumpy grumpy grumpy.

--

It's the afternoon, and I feel reasonably better.  I did feel grumpy and hungry till about 1pm or so.  And I've still got weird little hunger twinges.  But at least I'm not just uncontrollably frowning anymore.


Captain's Log, stardate 2013.509
Wakeup: (6:30am, 8 hours of sleep)
- apple (8:30am)
- hard-boiled egg (11:00am)
- cod (1:30pm)
- kale chips (3:00pm)
- beef (6:30pm)
- cucumber smoothie (8:00pm)
Bedtime (11:30pm)
Water: 96oz
Tea: 64oz

(DAY 17)

Arghhh - I keep almost forgetting to take my drops... Had to run home this morning to take them.  Emergency drops!  I also am not holding them under my tongue long enough... I had figured out how to do that for a while, and now I've kind of lost it.


Captain's Log, stardate 2013.508
Wakeup: (6:30am, 7 hours of sleep)
- chicken (10:45)
- lettuce'n'vinegar (12:45pm)
- apple (3:00pm)
- beef (6:45pm)
- kale chips (7:30pm)
- strawberries (8:30pm)
Bedtime (10:30pm)
Water: 96oz
Tea: 68oz

(DAY 16)

IT'S BEEN A BIG 2 DAYS.

1) Yay, I started losing weight again!  HCG totally works when I don't sabotage myself - imagine that!

2) HOLY FUCK YOU GUYS I ACCEPTED A JOB IN KOREA.  IN 2 MONTHS.  THAT'S SO SOON.  SO SO SOON.  Still waiting on the contract to be sent back to me with their signature on it, but it's like 95% confirmed at this point.  Like, even though I've been planning all this, really signing the contract and pressing "send" on the email was HUGE.  I'm REALLY MOVING TO A FOREIGN COUNTRY AND GIVING UP ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING I KNOW. (Except the cat. Thank god for the cat.)

Captain's Log, stardate 2013.507
Wakeup: (6:30am, 7 hours of sleep)
Brunch (11:15am)
- chicken
- cucumber smoothie (2:00pm)
Snack (3:30pm)
- hard boiled egg
Dinner (6:30pm)
- beeeeef
- kale chips
Snack (8:45pm)
- apple
Bedtime (11:30pm)
Water: 64oz
Tea: 76oz

(DAY 15)

SO THINGS WOULD PROBABLY BE GOING BETTER IF I WOULD STOP FORGETTING TO TAKE MY HCG DROPS AT NIGHT.

Le sigh.

I hate that I'm so obviously sabotaging myself.

In other news, things are going pretty well in general.


Captain's Log, stardate 2013.506
Wakeup: (6:00am, 6.5 hours of sleep)
Brunch (10:45pm)
- chicken
- lettuce'n'vinegar (12:15)
Snack (2:00pm)
- apple
Dinner (4:30pm)
- halibut
Snack (7:45pm)
- hard-boiled egg
Dinner veggie (9:30pm)
- kale chips
Bedtime (11:30pm)
Water: 74oz
Tea: 54oz

PINOCCHIO (DAY 5)

My nose seems big today. And my chin is exploding.  But otherwise, today feels very similar to yesterday.  Doctor recommends eating a handful of vegetables in the morning and taking some liver-boosting vitamins, so I'll work on that over the weekend.

Captain's Log, stardate 2013.426
Wakeup: 6:15am (7:15 hours of sleep)
Snack (12:15pm)
- apple
Lunch (2:00pm)
- chicken breast
- lettuce'n'vinegar
Dinner (7:30pm)
- eggs*
- cucumber/lemon smoothie (much less gross)
Snack (9:30)
- strawberries
Bedtime: 12:15a
Water count: 112oz
Tea count: 52oz


*HOLY SHIT YOU GUYS EGGS ARE LIKE THE BEST THING EVER.  Mostly because I got to cook them fresh (I had pre-cooked all my other meat), and because they expand so it seemed like there were more of them.  Even though they're mostly egg whites (3 eggs, but only 1 yolk).

TOODLES.

SLEEPY HOLLOW (DAY 4)

HCG continues on.  It's very strange to think that I've consumed only around 2000 calories in the last 4 days, and I'm not dying.

Good things:
-- I am not as hungry as I was at the beginning of the week.  Still a bit hungry, but not painfully so.
-- Things are moving in the right direction (you'll just have to wait for Sunday to find out specifics).
-- Figured out I should be holding the drops under my tongue for a lot longer than I was, hopefully that will be helpful.
-- Smoothifying vegetables is a good thing for me.  Then I still get the fiber, but I don't have to crunch it up with my own teeth.
-- I am a champ at drinking water and tea.  (TMI: Seriously, it's like emptying a 32oz waterbottle into the sink every time I go to the bathroom.  It's very satisfying.)

Less good things:
-- I'm still queasy and a little weak-feeling in the morning.  And all morning - not just before I've taken the drops, but all morning until I get food in me for the first time. Doctor thinks this is because of low blood sugar (I think she was under the impression that queasiness was only happening before drops in the morning. I'm waiting to hear back if she thinks I should change my dosage knowing it is both before and after drops).
-- I'm still a bit hungry, although not painfully so.
-- My blood pressure is much higher than normal... Is it caused by less-good-thing-#1? I do not know.  Usually my bp is super low - e.g. 90/60, and today at the little Bartell's machine is was 127/73.  My pulse is its usual normally low self: 52.
-- I hope that vaseline on my lips won't terribly eff this diet up (you have to remove all cosmetics and skin care stuff with oils or fats) - but my lips were literally turning to shredded paper and I couldn't take it any more. Because vaseline doesn't actually absorb into your skin, most people think it's okay.


It's really easy to be a worry-wart on this diet, but I think with the level of risk/weirdness you're asking you body to undertake, that's probably an okay thing.


Captain's Log, Stardate 2013.425
Wakeup: 6:00am (sleep: 7 hours)
Snack (11:15am)
- apple
Lunch (1:45pm)
- halibut
- lettuce'n'vinegar
Dinner (8:00pm)
- beeeeeeeef <3
- cucumber lettuce lemon smoothie (it was really gross)
Snack (9:30pm)
- strawberries
Bedtime: 11:00pm
Water count: 32oz
Tea count: 82oz (i might be overdoing it on the tea...)

In other news, kitter is happy to have me home more often. And so am I.

HUNGER GAMES (DAY 3)

It gets better, kids.

I think hormones have started to kick in more, and I also took an extra dose at lunch today. So, NOT IN HUNGER PAIN - YAY! Still a little bit hungry, though, so things probably still need to be tweaked a bit - I'm not supposed to be hungry at all. But it's definitely better, at least a bit, and that makes me happy. ^__^

Captain's Log, Stardate 2013.424
Wakeup: 6:15am (sleep: 6.5 hours)
Lunch (11:30am)
- chicken breast (better when heated!)
- lettuce'n'vinegar
Snack (3:00pm)
- apple
Dinner (9:00pm)
- beeeeeef
- cucumber (smoothie-fied)
Snack (9:00pm)
- strawberries (smoothie-fied)
Bedtime: 11:00
Water count: 76oz
Tea count:  72oz


... you like how i'm keeping you in suspense and not letting you know if/how much weight i've lost?
yeah, i thought you'd appreciate that suspense.

HUNGER GAMES (DAY 2)

Rolling around in my head ALL DAY LONG:

 

So... I'm still hungry.  Uncomfortably so.  Or at least I was until about 15 minutes ago when I finally started to eat lunch.  AMAZING what a little lettuce & vinegar will do for your mood.

FEAR NOT.  I have contacted my doctor, and we're gonna change up the dosage for tomorrow. Because I dislike being uncomfortably hungry.  And feeling like Lydia Bennet.

I am also excited for the rest of the week, when I don't have stuff going on at night and so can go home and eat my dinner at a normal time. Instead of at 9 o'clock at night.

Captain's Log, Stardate 2013.423
Wakeup: 6:00am (sleep: 6.5 hours)
Snack (11:00am)

- apple

Lunch (1:30pm)
- chicken, baked w/salt & pepper, cayanne powder
- iceberg lettuce w/lemon & apple cider vinegar
Snack (5:00pm)
- strawberries
Dinner (9:00pm)
- beef
- 1/3 a cucumber
Bedtime: 11:45pm
Water count: ~96oz
Tea count:  ~44oz

HUNGER GAMES (DAY 1)

So.  On to "Phase 2."

Phase 2 being the Very Low Calorie Diet period of the diet.  Wherein I only get about 500 calories a day, and my body instead eats the fat stored on my body (the HCG prevents me from going into "starvation" mode).

What do I get to eat, you ask?  Well, it's very exciting.

Lunch:
4oz lean protein (beef, veal, chicken, white fish)
large handful of vegetables*

Snack:
Apple*

Dinner:
4oz lean protein (different from lunch protein)
large handful of vegetables*

Snack:
Strawberries*

There are pretty specific lists for what kinds of veggies/fruits I can have for snacks.  But because I am still picky Riley, the list gets even smaller.  The snacks will probably be apples and strawberries forever. The veggies will probably be lettuce (iceberg or romaine) and cucumbers. I may branch out and try roasting some kale eventually.  Who knows, maybe this will help me get over my texture sensitivity and I'll find myself eating all kinds of new vegetables.

Zinger is also skeptical.

Anyway, it is now 11:30am.  I'm relatively hungry at this point.  So far today I've had ~32oz of water, and 14oz of peppermint tea.  PLUS a buttload of Vitamins. NOTE TO SELF: do not eat all your vitamins in the morning from now on.  I forgot how unhappy vitamins on an empty stomach make me.  And by "unhappy" I mean "slightly nauseous."

Supposedly (according to the internet), the first few days of this can be the hardest, depending on whether or not you got enough calories in your "gorge" days to help tide you over until the HCG really kicks in.  I'm also a little worried because I have a looong day today (work + econ class till 9:00pm), so I take my 2nd dose of drops pretty late. (I'm supposed to take two sets of 9 spaced evenly throughout the day.  I took 12 this morning because I knew I wouldn't get back home until super late. Don't know if that will make any difference or not.)

2nd NOTE TO SELF:  Go the FUCK to BED!  
I didn't go to sleep last night until 2:30am, and then I was up again at 7am.  I'm aware this is NOT the best way to help my body do all the weird shit I'm asking it to do.



Captain's Log, Stardate 2013.422
Wakeup: 6:45am (sleep: 4.25 hours)
Lunch (1:00pm)
- chicken, baked w/salt & pepper, cayanne powder
- iceberg lettuce w/lemon & apple cider vinegar
Snack (5:00pm)
- apple
Dinner (9:00pm)
- halibut
- romaine lettuce w/apple cider vinegar
Snack (11:00pm)
- strawberries
Bedtime: 11:30pm
Water count: ~112oz
Tea count:  ~48oz